Alcohol addict here. Definitely this. You know what you’re doing isn’t Dancing Queen Disco Dance Club Party Shirt, but your brain is being flooded with so much pleasure you don’t care. Sure there’s that voice in the back going, “don’t do this.” But the addiction is screaming, “DO IT!!” Imagine hearing a voice scream in your head so loud it drowns everything else out. It’s not an actual scream obviously, but if I get the urge for a drink, that’s all I’m thinking about the rest of the day. It consumes every other thought to the point you just wanna lay in bed cause if you give in, you’ll get lost again. Addiction is a nasty fucker. In this town there’s a restaurant with 5 slot machines in the back. My ex used to go every payday and play the machines. It got to the point where this man, who was making $19 an hour (a decent amount around here) and got overtime almost every day, was asking to borrow money on payday from my grandma who makes minimum wage part time at a pizza place. I live in a super small town, population hovers around 2,000. It’s actually a village, but I digress.
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I should have broken up with him then and made him pay back every cent he “borrowed”, but Dancing Queen Disco Dance Club Party Shirt I made sure that if anyone saw him at the restaurant they were to immediately tell me because I’d be driving over there to dump his ass. The only thing he was scared of was losing me, so it worked. My dad’s brother gambled away the deed to my grandparents’ house, and my grandparents were hardworking farmers who didn’t have much. Fuck that guy and gambling. Not only that but even when you’re losing the flashing lights and exciting sounds fill your brain with dopamine hits making it feels like you’re winning. Subconsciously you enjoy taking it with no lube. You don’t lose on them anymore. Not the way they’re set up now. You bet a dollar and ‘win’ 34 cents. It’s a bit more nefarious this way. It’s not the flashing lights so much as how they are part of a design that makes you think you’re getting closer to winning with each loss. Like the machine telling you how you are just this much closer to winning by losing. I feel like the only person that thinks slot machines are incredibly boring.
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